I don't know Marla but I was introduced to her blog Coffee Shop Journal through some very dear mutual friends. The following is shared (with permission) from a post she wrote last week:
"My family is a divine huddle that God pulled together. Except for my husband, David, every one of us is adopted. I’m adopted, my two daughters were adopted at two days old, and all the glorious extras that populate our home and our lives feel adopted!
I remember back when the girls were smaller I’d once in a while run into a well-meaning but odd soul who would say something like “It’s such a wonderful ministry you are doing, giving those little girls a home.” I’m a polite person, so I’d usually say something in return such as “Well they sure bring sunshine to our house.” Occasionally I’d be having a bad day and comment “They’re actually going back on the market…interested?” We’d laugh, and I’d go on my way. But the comment never made any sense to me. Kylie and Jillian aren’t a ministry, they are my daughters! Once you are family, it’s just all about the relationship, as it is in any family.
The other day I realized that all relationships are really like that. Once you open your heart and your life to a person, it doesn’t feel like ministry any more. It feels like friendship. And friendship is what carries you over the rough patches of life. Friendship is what says, “OK, you messed up yet again but I love you anyway. So what’s next?” I think sometimes I’m guilty of segregating the relationships in my life: I’ll adopt you into my life, but you over there, you’re a ministry. Jeremy, my favorite barista at the coffee shop where I like to hang out, is moving on to another part off the state soon. I’m really, really sad to lose that nearly daily interaction with someone who’s so passionate for the kingdom. David and I will be sad to see our friend leave. In his place comes a new barista, one I haven’t met. Jeremy says we’ll love him. I realized that over this past year Jeremy has moved from being “a guy in the community” to being our friend. Now it’s time to open up that door again.
Life isn’t about networking and contacts and ministry. It’s about adoption."
Peace to all,
-- Rosemary
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3 comments:
I love Marla's last statement. Life IS about adoption, isn't it? :-)
What a wonderful view. I will be checking out her blog.
Rosemary, thank you for posting about this topic. We are parents to two bio daughters and are awaiting travel for our son who is in BKK.
I totally agree with your part 1 post. Children nor adoption should ever be a project. And while we were already parents before our decision to adopt, we did feel called or compelled, if you will, to adopt. It was not driven by a desire to be a parent. We weren't fulfilling a God given need to parent. It was in many ways an act of obedience. We had prayed daily about this for a year. We are Christians, my husband is a minister. And we felt that God was very clear in this leading to adopt. Personally, I don't view the word "ministry" as negative though I understand completely where you were coming from. The word simply means "to serve". As a Christian, I believe it was modeled beautifully by Jesus. And as a minister's wife, our entire life is devoted to serving others. And in reality, we serve our daughters everyday...we feed them and clothe them and teach them and love them. They are the light of our life. And it is the sweetest privilege to do so. They are gifts. And we adore them. It is no burden at all to serve them or minister to them. It is our joy.
But our son, who in our hearts is already our son, is no project. He is not a ministry that we hope will gain us any acceptance from God. He is a gift as well and is as much wanted as our girls were. Honestly, I wondered how this would happen. I'm just being truthful. I wondered if I could love him with the same abandon I feel for our daughters. But already, there is such a deep love for him. For this little boy that we've never met or touched or held. We are on pins and needles waiting to go and begin lavishing love on this sweet little boy.
The Bible speaks in James about orphans, and how caring for them is "true religion"...I for one believe that this means caring for and about orphans is not a requirement for right standing with God, but rather the natural overflow of a heart who has itself been shown grace.
Knowing the story of our son's birth mother, reinforces my belief that God brings good out of hard circumstances. And that while my heart longs for him to be home...her's probably does as well. I think about her all the time. Her loss is our gain and that is hard to reconcile in my heart. We are blessed already~
Thanks again for this post.
Kam
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