Greetings!

We designed this site in order to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away and in order to communicate with other adoptive families from around the world.

When we first started researching this wonderful way to become a family we read everything we could get our hands on. Even though there are a lot of great books out there, nothing was as informative or touching as the blogs we found by adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive families. So we are writing this blog now in hopes of returning the favor. We hope that if you are dear to us you will enjoy keeping up with our adventures. If you are someone out there involved in a part of the adoption triad we hope you will find information and comfort here and provide us with some of your own!

If you would like to get in touch with us we can be reached at: becomingafamily@gmail.com
Feel free to stop by anytime. We're happy to share our family story.

Take care,
Brian and Rosemary

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Details

This posting is mostly for posterity's sake. I can't imagine that I will ever forget the first time I saw my son's face but I want to record every second to make sure that it never fades away. I want to make sure I write it all down so Button can read it later. I also want to share it with friends who are still waiting. For two years, I've been reading about people's referrals and being so swept away in the story but then I would just want to call them up and beg them to tell me how it FELT! I know there are lots of other PAP's who feel this way too. Jess, these details are especially for you! ;-)

I very much had an expectation that we would receive a picture of a cute little baby and I would look at it and think "Oh my goodness, isn't he sweet?" just the same way I do when I see pictures of my friend's kids. I thought that loving him would be part of a relationship that would slowly evolve through attachment and bonding. Of course, I was 100% committed to loving him, which really is the biggest part of love, but I had absolutely no expectations of feeling anything magically maternal.

Instead, the moment Brian and I opened that email from Holt and saw his first tiny picture I felt as if everything that I had always been was being melted away and a mommy monster was growing in its place. There was a moment of total silence, as if I were in a soundproof chamber, and then I remembered Brian was sitting next to me and I looked over and saw he was crying and then I realized I was too. When I first saw Button's picture my immediate reaction was "Oh, of course, it's you." He seemed so familiar to my soul. Like a soldier home from war and maybe they've changed over the years and maybe you have too but you would know them anywhere because you've loved them for so very long.

We had two sets of pictures: one from his 3 month check up and one from his 6 month check up. After we spent ages gloating over his gorgeous 3 month pictures we opened the next email and looked at Button, age 6 months. We both cried some more. It was impossible to see with our own eyes that our baby had grown so much. He was already so big and obviously could multiply and knew the periodic table of elements by now and didn't even need parents any more because he would be leaving for college any day. After we managed to calm down though we realized that he was even more beautiful at 6 months than he was at 3 months and that we were the luckiest people on earth.

We took his paperwork to a pediatrician for review, because we had been urged to do so, but we knew from the moment we saw his face that he was our son. We didn't need anyone to tell us what the adoption would or would not mean for us before we would move forward with it. We knew that adopting Button would mean that we were bringing our son home to live with us. Plain and simple.

People say a lot of things about adoption. Some of them are wise. Some of them are foolish. This much I know is true: I have been lost to love from the second I saw my son's face and no other experience could possibly have been more powerful.

--Rosemary

10 comments:

Jessica said...

I've been waiting for you to post this! What a beautiful, miraculous moment. Thanks for letting me revel in all of the joy with you. Now I just need to hear all about your travel adventures.

Yoli said...

No one has said it more beautifully my friend. We too felt that same kinship upon looking at our children's faces for the first time.

blackbelt said...

All I can say is I am so happy for you.

Wyndee said...

Oh Rosemary, you said it beautifully! I'm tearing up right now. God bless!

Ann and Bryan said...

These were my feelings exactly. The photos we just got of our son from the March WACAP trip made us feel even more parental and yearning for him to come home since he looks so much older and even more smiley. I believe this feeling will intensify when we finally get our TWIMC letter. I am so happy for you and look forward to hearing more about your story.

Mireille said...

Beautiful words Rosemary! I couldn't have said it better, but it was so much alike the moment I laid eyes on my beautiful twins.... a magical moment! And miracles do happen, thats what we had printed on our adoption announcement.

Chris and Terri said...

Beautiful!

And PS That's a permanent memory - the feeling of when you first saw his face and your heart physically ached because it just grew and overflowed all at once.

Jen and Jeff said...

That just brought me to tears! You wrote that so beautifully. The words "oh, of course, it's you" just says it all. We are just so happy for you guys. Can't wait to see him home safely in your arms.

Julie said...

This is such good news and a great post. COngratulations
Julie

jessica said...

Oh Roses! I'm crying like a baby. yes, it was like that for us too! like seeing someone who had changed but you'd know them forever and you'd recognize them anywhere. oh, congratulations! i am so happy for you! oh my goodness! where's his picture? do you have it up yet? love, jess (from holt)