Greetings!

We designed this site in order to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away and in order to communicate with other adoptive families from around the world.

When we first started researching this wonderful way to become a family we read everything we could get our hands on. Even though there are a lot of great books out there, nothing was as informative or touching as the blogs we found by adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive families. So we are writing this blog now in hopes of returning the favor. We hope that if you are dear to us you will enjoy keeping up with our adventures. If you are someone out there involved in a part of the adoption triad we hope you will find information and comfort here and provide us with some of your own!

If you would like to get in touch with us we can be reached at: becomingafamily@gmail.com
Feel free to stop by anytime. We're happy to share our family story.

Take care,
Brian and Rosemary

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

One for Worry and One for Joy

How do waiting parents keep their sanity? I am a waiting parent but my sanity is questionable so I'm not sure that I am fully qualified to answer that question. However, I think we would all pretty much say the same thing: "Stay Busy!" Sadly though we can't be busy all the time. What about those nights when you wake up at two am? Or those lost moments when your thoughts run away with you as you drive to work? How often have you caught yourself staring off into space thinking of your future child while the pot boiled over?

These emotions, that I am working so hard to keep at bay, are a curious mixture of deep anxiety and the most palpable, tender excitement I've ever felt. It's completely overwhelming and the feeling (whatever it's officially called down at the psych ward) grows every day. I frequently have to take a deep breath and remind myself to quit thinking about Button, make dinner, and return calls.

So here is how I'm staying sane lately. When I catch myself lost in my Button thoughts I snap back to reality by giving myself the opportunity to commit to one prayer for worry and one prayer for joy. Then I leave it alone and go back to the life I need to be living right now. This afternoon I caught myself gazing out the window when I should have been working so I prayed this worry prayer: "Dear Lord, please cover my Button with your protection and keep him from fear." Then I prayed for this blessing: "Dear Lord, please let Button have a wonderful time playing outside today." Then I went back to work.

What are the prayers and wishes you're sending out for your little one so far away? Do you have a worry that drives you crazy? How are you/did you stay sane during this wait?
BTW - If you're one of my friendly neighborhood lurkers, take this opportunity to come into the sunshine and introduce yourself!

--Rosemary

9 comments:

Jen and Jeff said...

You are too funny and NOT insane! We all go through it. It's hard and it is normal. I am way better now that we have the referral and are getting close. Last summer I was about to lose my mind! Really the thing that helped me the most was preparing for her. Buying her things, learning about which diapers to use and how to care for them, reading up on good toddler recipes, decorating her room, washing her dishes, her clothes, etc. There is so much about the process that is out of our control. So to be able to do SOMETHING to help her and to feel like her Mom...those are the things that gave me solace. And prayers, too. I love your prayers and the way you do one for both worry and joy and then let it go...

Jessica said...

It's funny you should post this. Just this weekend, I had to ask myself, do I spend more time praying or worrying and whining? I was afraid to really think about the answer. I love your solution though and think I'll "borrow" it.
Some days my mantra is "Live only in this moment, and control only the things you can control."

As much as I want my baby home, I find a strange peace in knowing that the experiences he is having right now, I couldn't provide or duplicate if I tried. He's surrounded everyday by the smells, sounds and sights that are Thailand. And, I want him to drink that in. Because, soon, those things will be gone. And, he will miss them.

Chris and Terri said...

I keep telling myself I was never supposed to be parenting her right now so just live the day. Some days it works better than others.

Melissa May said...

One of the things I did was start a journal where I would write to our little one. I was inspired a bit by the adoptive parents classes we attended and the scary videos we watched - listening to teenage adoptees and hearing one of them say they didn't really know why their parents adopted them... made me want our little one to never wonder why. So I started writing. Not sure at what age I'll give it to him, but I still write to him in it. Back when we were waiting it gave me a chance to share what I was thinking about with him in some way. : )

Then there was the obsessive blog reading... but I think that made me less sane, not more! : )

Wyndee said...

Wow, what a great way you've chosen to deal with the wait!!!!! I wish I would have thought of that------ I shopped. And shopped. And shopped some more. Sophie had more junk than you could shake a stick at by the time she came home. ;-)

Nichole and Craig said...

After 2 years and 1 1/2 months I still have not figured out how to deal with the wait. It drives me crazy everyday. But I know it will be worth it in the end.

Ellie said...

So normal, Rosemary! It's just not natural to be separated from your child by so much time and space! It's a natural response to worry, but you're right, that it's not healthy to sit and worry and fret. Prayer is a great way to give your child's needs up to God, and calm your heart. With each of our adoptions, we've had a special scripture that God's shown us, that we pray for that child. With Jacob, it was from Deuteronomy, when Jacob was fleeing from Esau's wrath... it speaks of God "guarding him like the apple of his eye", "like an eagle that stirs up it's nest and hovers over it's young; that lifts them up and carries them on it's pinions", isn't that amazing! We know God is there with our babies, caring for them, guarding them like the apple of His eye!

Megan said...

I am not sure if I was ever really sane during any of the waits! But for me it was a very frequent reminder that I was putting it all in God's hands. And I learned by the second adoption that I truly could only do so much about the situation. I have always done everything I possibly could and followed the process closely to insure all was being done that I might have control over. Then I know I have to let it go. Praying and reminding myself to enjoy that phase of my life because it would never be the same again. So easy for me to say since I'm not waiting right now!! ;))

Love your prayers!!
Blessings~Megan

a Tonggu Momma said...

I remember, after we received our referral for the Tongginator, I seemed to pray constantly for a peaceful transition during our trip. Well, I should have been a little more careful with my wording - the Tongginator did WONDERFULLY on the trip... it was the first two years home together that were rough. Heh.

As for now, with such a long wait in the China program, I pray for our child to be loved, secure and healthy... for personal peace and patience... and, above all, for the adoption to be ethical.