Let me just say for today that we are doing fine. Button is adjusting better than anyone could possibly have hoped given the trauma that all of these children go through. Many experts believe that toddler adoption is the most difficult kind of adoption and I can understand why. The child is old enough to know that something "wrong" has happened but not nearly old enough to understand any of the explanations.
Button is an extremely active, strong willed, happy 19-month old little boy. He loves to play outside, throw the ball, go for a walk, be read to and imitate most anything we are doing. He is very smart (of course) and he is already saying 7 or 8 words in English including pointing at the door and saying, "A WALK". He also does a huge variety of incredibly cute things that I will try not to bore you with.
In the interest of not sugar coating this process that is adoption, allow me to also share some of the difficulties. He will make absolutely no efforts what-so-ever at directly addressing either one of us. Sometimes he will even hit us in the face to get our attention but he won't say "Mommy or Daddy". This is a typical part of grieving and it is important that he hold us away from his heart as long as he needs to. It took 10 full days for him to recover from jetlag but now that he is better he refuses to nap during the day. Adoption trauma aside, he is fully enmeshed in the terrible-two's, and feeling the need to sow some oats. He can climb into ANYTHING. He does hit and bite and pinch when he is upset, which is frequent.
All that being said, we love Button so very, very, very much and we are thrilled and overjoyed that he, and no one else, is our son. He is the absolutely exact right child for our little family that was two and now is three.
--Rosemary
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13 comments:
So happy to hear from you. I completely get not having time to write.
That is so us right now - trying to balance some work, curious toddler, spring sports and school. I'm very much looking forward to Spring Break next week.
I was thinking about you guys today hoping all was well or as well as can be expected. It sounds like it is exactly that.
Welcome home, Rosemary! Glad to hear that Button is getting over his jet-lag and adjusting well. You just must be over the moon about him. Can't wait to see some more pictures.
Glad you're back safe and sound and blogging again. Sounds like "reentering" real life is just that real life! Can't wait to hear more about the trip.
I think you do have a harder situation where he can't quite understand what this big change is all about and can't communicate how he is feeling about it in words. At least our daughter was old enough to be able to know her own language and use the electronic dictionary to communicate with us. But, it's true, no matter what the age, they do need to grieve in their own way and time. You will be grieving the loss of your couple time, too. I'll be praying for all of you!
Button sounds adorable and wonderful and by all means "bore" us with the details and cute little things! We love details! But I understand how busy you are right now and all your attention is for that precious little guy. Looking forward to hearing more at some point and seeing pics of him at home.
smiles :-) Auntie Deena is very happy for a good report!
I think you have a very spirited little Virgo there - sounds exactly what my boy Jaxin went through when we adopted him - he's a Virgo also!
Took Jaxin 20 months to settle - boy that was so hard for me but we made it through and he's been with us 3 1/2 years now. It only gets better and I'd say the last 6 months have been the best.
Jaxin is forever telling me he loves me and wants kisses and cuddles all the time now - I love it!
Keep up the good work guys!!
Sharon
Waiting for bub 3 to complete our family!
Rosemary,
The book I wish I would have known about and read when we brought Grace home was Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control by Heather T Forbes. She also has a website and two follow up books to this one. It has been invaluable to me and my parenting and I highly recommend it!!
April
Rosemary,
So glad to hear an update and thank you so much for posting about how Button is adjusting. I am trying to take in as much info as possible from those adopting a toddler as i am pretty sure we will be referred a 2-4 year old. It sounds as though Button is adjusting and going through all of the emotions he should go through. keep us updated! Blessings and congratulations on your precious son!
so thrilled to get to hear a report. yep, that sounds like the 2's to me!
grace to you all as you transition. so glad button is finally home with his mom and dad!
xo
Glad to read an update, Rosemary. It sounds like things are going as well as can be, which is wonderful. As difficult as the grieving is, it would be so much more "scary" to not have that happen. Take care of each, that means you and Brian, you will need it!
Blessings~
I'm so glad you found a moment to write, and I'm also thankful for your sake that you've had mom's help! I follow every step of this process with love and excitement for you, and prayers. I wish I weren't so far away and could be a friend in deed, and not just word. I love you!
So glad to see you back into blogging and telling us the real deal! As you say you don't want to sugar coat the situation and that is great! Bringing a child home at this age will be with ups and downs and I am so proud of you of sharing that with us!! Reading this back later will remind you of these moments. Because I honestly don't recall all these details anymore, since I was not blogging or keeping a journal... too busy, since I was a single mom (Dirk was transferred to the States already) and with twins, but reading your stories my memories come back...
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