Greetings!

We designed this site in order to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away and in order to communicate with other adoptive families from around the world.

When we first started researching this wonderful way to become a family we read everything we could get our hands on. Even though there are a lot of great books out there, nothing was as informative or touching as the blogs we found by adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive families. So we are writing this blog now in hopes of returning the favor. We hope that if you are dear to us you will enjoy keeping up with our adventures. If you are someone out there involved in a part of the adoption triad we hope you will find information and comfort here and provide us with some of your own!

If you would like to get in touch with us we can be reached at: becomingafamily@gmail.com
Feel free to stop by anytime. We're happy to share our family story.

Take care,
Brian and Rosemary

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Compass

I've been thinking about Button's other parents a lot lately. Knowing who our son is and knowing, at least a little bit, about his original family is a weighty thing. I now know the specific story of a woman and a child on the other side of the world. I know some of the details and some of them are lost to me. I roll the tale over and over again in my mind like a pebble in my mouth. A flat, smooth, truth that is completely indigestible.

Her son is also my son. She and I have more in common than any of my dearest friends. My heart keeps referring to their story like a compass. What direction is it pointing me in? How should I best serve my son to be true to the hopes his first mother had for him? I wish I could ask her. I wish I could tell her that I would honor her intentions. We have no way of knowing what she wants for Button. All I can assume is that, like any mother, she wants her son to be loved, encouraged, supported and given direction.


I can also safely assume that like any mom she wants to be recognized as his mother. Without her, humanity in general and, our family specifically would not have Button's precious face. She brought my son into this world and he is exactly who he is because of her DNA. What a blessed opportunity for me to be able to recognize her as my son's other mother!

Our hopes for an open adoption have not changed although we have been told not to expect that. However, should we be given the opportunity to have contact with her I think the most important thing I would want to say is: "You are always remembered in our home. You are honored and loved as a member of our family. Button knows he has two mothers: me and you."

--Rosemary

10 comments:

Robin and Kyle said...

I feel just the same way, but as usual, you put it much more eloquently than I could.

I've gotten a few negative comments about T's first mom, despite their total lack of knowledge about her and her situation, full of stereotypes and assumptions. It simultaneously breaks my heart and makes me angry. T's first mom is forever a part of our family. T is proud to point out his Thai mama in pictures. I give her a mental hug each morning and night.

Brian and Rosemary said...

Great post, baby. You always say it just right. What a writer!

blackbelt said...

Great post. Love the compass analogy. You can keep trying to point else where but it's a lot of wasted magnetism!

Oh and thanks for looking at our vacation photos. Yeah, I give good advice ;-)

Chris and Terri said...

Funny I never thought I would be open to an open adoption. That is, until I heard my baby's story. Now that I know, I would be completely open.

It's cool that Robin has pictures of T's first mom. We don't and had hoped we would.

Maci Miller said...

I'm with your hubby! Great writing! Such a beautiful analogy with the compass and the feelings that come straight from your heart. You sure are a great mom already!

Yoli said...

I'd give anything to know who my children's mothers and fathers are. Anything. They are my family, now and forever.

Robin and Kyle said...

Chris and Terri,
On the day we met T in Bangkok, HSF social workers gave us a CD with more pics than we'd originally been given, including pictures of T with some of his birth family. I think this is not uncommon. Keep hoping!

rosemary said...

At this point in time we don't have any pictures of Button's other parents either. We continue hoping that we will get a few at some point in time. We just want him to be able to know what his family looks like because we feel he deserves that knowledge. I'm sure they are beautiful people though because they certainly created a gorgeous son!!

Mireille said...

Well written Rosemary! When I think about the girls other mother I am always a bit sad for her. That she has to miss out so much. One day I hope to see her again, we have all the details, but it is still on the other side of the world....

Jeanne-ming said...

Beautiful.