Greetings!

We designed this site in order to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away and in order to communicate with other adoptive families from around the world.

When we first started researching this wonderful way to become a family we read everything we could get our hands on. Even though there are a lot of great books out there, nothing was as informative or touching as the blogs we found by adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive families. So we are writing this blog now in hopes of returning the favor. We hope that if you are dear to us you will enjoy keeping up with our adventures. If you are someone out there involved in a part of the adoption triad we hope you will find information and comfort here and provide us with some of your own!

If you would like to get in touch with us we can be reached at: becomingafamily@gmail.com
Feel free to stop by anytime. We're happy to share our family story.

Take care,
Brian and Rosemary

Monday, June 8, 2009

Schedule? What schedule?

When we first started the adoption we thought that we should focus our research on adoption related stuff until we got our referral and then after the referral came in we would move on and do more of that "What to Expect in Your First Year" type of reading. We had already done a fair amount of research before we even started our home study but in the many months since then we've been able to read a lot of books, blogs and articles on attachment and bonding, primal wound theory, being an interracial family, and developing a healthy relationship with our kid's biological families. As you can probably all tell by now, I'm a type A, super-organized, virgo, little miss bossy-butt. One of my donors once said, "Rosemary, you really need to have a baby or you will become a super monster of efficiency." I took that as a compliment.

Well, the joke is on me because Button is already completely ignoring my schedules and letting me know that life will be different as a parent. I woke up this morning literally in a cold sweat convinced that I knew nothing about how to raise a child. How were we even going to keep him alive? Bri had already left for work and I wandered into the kitchen, opened the fridge and stared at the contents thinking, "I have no idea which of these food items are appropriate to feed a toddler! Deviled eggs? Pasta salad? Pickled asparagus?" It was as if I had completely forgotten that I might consider buying food especially for a toddler. Then I sort of stumbled around the house, still in my pj's with crazy bed head, observing our half-packed home full of boxes and bubble wrap and thought, "This place is a death trap! I don't know the first thing about baby-proofing. Why did I ever think I knew anything? I need to hire a professional!"


So now, months before we are expecting a referral and well before I had planned on it, we are proudly expecting a big shipment of parenting, baby-proofing, nutrition, and toddler wisdom books from Amazon. Apparently the Mommy-me does not work on a sensible schedule as well as the Rosemary-me does. Hmmmm.... Score Card: Button-1 Mommy-0

- Rosemary

11 comments:

Yoli said...

I am laughing so hard, please forgive me!!!!!!!!! It is exactly what occurred to me before the referral of our first child. You have to understand that I lived by myself traveling and just enjoying life for a long time. I married late and my now husband was horrified when he first opened my refrigerator only to find a bottle of Avian water and grapes. Even after I married my husband did most of the cooking with me struggling to learn. So you can imagine the panic attack I got when I got close to referral time. Like you I woke up one morning with a dazed look on my face. My husband laughing at me. A house full of Indian furniture all of which would cut anyone in half. So off to buy soft furniture baby proof the house we went. Trust me, it will be OK.

Ellie said...

You're too cute, Rosemary! I love it! You will be well prepared! You're going to be a wonderful Mommy! And why not start reading up now? Heck, go ahead and read up on the teen years! That's what I was doing when my babies were babies... gotta be prepared!

Jessica said...

Rosemary,
I'm with you on this. I saw a book the other day called 'I Was An Excellent Parent Until I Had Kids.' I had to laugh because I knew it fit me to a T. Maybe that's why we've been given this long wait. They figured we had a lot of reading to do!

Nicole - Raising Animals said...

The stress is good, it means that you'll be a thoughtful mom. We're waiting for kiddo number 4 and I still get that way. Just remember that kids are resilient. They aren't going to hate you when they grow up if they end up with potato salad for breakfast once or twice. ;-)

~Nicole
www.raisinganimals.com
working towards #4 from Thailand

Mireille said...

It will just go fine Rosemary! Believe me, once that cute button is there, you know what to do. It feels so natural, I didn't have time to read up on this stuff, because I got a call at 10 am and was a parent at noon, no preparation or reading books, it just happened! The bmother chose me and I had 2 hours to get dressed and pick them up.... AFTER I got them I googled: what does a 3 month old twin need?? And it all worked out just fine!! So you are so much more prepared and I got twins without preparation.... and look at them now, 7 years old and perfectly healthy and happy!

rosemary said...

Thanks everybody! I love hearing all the stories from you fantastic moms who have already done this and all the empathetic comments from my fellow waiters!! I just think this stage of our lives has ended up being so funny! I never dreamed we would be so neurotic about having a baby. ;-)

Chris, Terri, Matt and Mark said...

You guys will be just fine. But are you telling me I should have more in my frig than condiments and pizza?

Jen and Jeff said...

haha, this is hysterical. Hysterical cause I did THE EXACT SAME THING. Have books on baby nutrition and just this weekend Jeff & I put the whole house on lock-down. A few more things to install and cabinets to baby proof and there will be nothing a toddler can brake into or get hurt on around here! You'll learn it all and we'll all think we have it figured out just in time for our baby to come home and show us how it's REALLY going to be done. So breathe easy and know that you'll be just fine.:-)
Love,
Jen

Jen and Jeff said...

LOVE that adorable pic BTW. So funny! Hey, wanted to let you know about a great book I found on feeding toddlers. Good ideas and easy recipes. It's called The Everything Cooking for Baby and Toddler Book. Healthy stuff, too. I am way into healthy, healthy meals and getting Miss Ruby a good start. My family is already threatening to bribe her with cookies just to drive me nuts, I think. Might be an uphill climb, but going to try to have her eat as healthy as I can....at least at home!:-)

a Tonggu Momma said...

Rosemary ~ At least you are freaking out BEFORE your adoption trip. Heh. I completely flipped out in the hotel room in Nanchang, China... so much so, I actually forgot how to put on a diaper. I completely froze up. One of the other new moms had to actually show me. BwwwaaaaaHaHaHaHa!

Us perfectionists need to stick together. While you are buying books, be sure to grab "the post-adoption blues" by Foli. I wish I had read it BEFORE our adoption trip.

blackbelt said...

You are going to be a perfect mother in this circumstance. I hope your child will be easy-going and malleable and adaptable so there will be no PTSD, RAD or whatever. But, he probably will have something.

See? I'm not going to tell you everything will be fine and easy and natural. There is nothing natural about getting a toddler that looks nothing like you from a country that looks nothing like this after filling out paperwork and proving you're not a crook or a wierdo.

There is nothing normal or fine about taking a child from everything he knows and sending him off with strangers on a plane trains and automobiles trip where people smell milky and plasticky and not anything like he's used to.

I say you're going to be the perfect mom because you have worked and are working your cute little tushy off to be as prepared as possible. (I mean, I assume your tushy's cute...not in a wierd way but in a compliment way from one blogger to another!)

I was super anal-retentive OCD mom about keeping Boo to a good schedule that worked with him and the food I fed him and it turned out to be JUST what he needed to have a regular, consistent, predictable world, after his life was heaved upside down and backwards.

I am already proud of you. You are an awesome mom.