Wishes For Her

One of the oddest things about adoption is that it has caused me to have an emotional relationship with two people I will probably never meet.  Our child's other parents.  Brian and I are using a lot of terminology right now: birth parents, biological parents, first parents and other parents.  Everything respectful is fine with us (the always disparaging and uncomfortable real parents is out).  If we could ever meet our child's first mom we would ask her how she would like our family to refer to her and then we would simply honor her request.  But that is one more thing we probably won't ever be able to discuss with her.  

I wonder what questions she wants to ask me and can't?  Maybe there is a beautiful Thai woman sitting on the other side of the world thinking, "I wish I could ask my child's adoptive mom this but it's just one more thing that I'll never get the chance to say."  I wish I could meet her and answer her questions.  I wish I could meet our child's birth father too.  I know a lot of other people feel differently about this for their families and that's fine too.  There many ways to handle adoption.   

I think about our child's first mom a lot.  We do not presume to know her life.  We don't make assumptions that either vilify or canonize her.  All we know is that she's a woman who is having a child and is also, obviously, going through something very hard that has caused her to make an adoption plan for her baby.  We can only imagine that this is a terrible or at the very least difficult experience for her.  

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here.  But you know how something little can happen and help your day out?  The guy behind you in line loans you 2 pennies when you don't have exact change.  The woman at the bank smiles at you.  Your Grandmother calls just to say she loves you no matter what.  Your best friend tells you a story that makes you laugh until a little pee comes out.  Your favorite tv show is on and it's a really good episode.  All the small things that don't do anything to change the awful realities of life but somehow manage to make each day of it more bearable.  Well, I hope that during this very difficult time, our child's first mother, has a king's ransom of tiny-everyday-good-things happening to her that help make it all a bit better.

- Rosemary