Greetings!

We designed this site in order to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away and in order to communicate with other adoptive families from around the world.

When we first started researching this wonderful way to become a family we read everything we could get our hands on. Even though there are a lot of great books out there, nothing was as informative or touching as the blogs we found by adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive families. So we are writing this blog now in hopes of returning the favor. We hope that if you are dear to us you will enjoy keeping up with our adventures. If you are someone out there involved in a part of the adoption triad we hope you will find information and comfort here and provide us with some of your own!

If you would like to get in touch with us we can be reached at: becomingafamily@gmail.com
Feel free to stop by anytime. We're happy to share our family story.

Take care,
Brian and Rosemary

Monday, December 8, 2008

Wishes For Her

One of the oddest things about adoption is that it has caused me to have an emotional relationship with two people I will probably never meet.  Our child's other parents.  Brian and I are using a lot of terminology right now: birth parents, biological parents, first parents and other parents.  Everything respectful is fine with us (the always disparaging and uncomfortable real parents is out).  If we could ever meet our child's first mom we would ask her how she would like our family to refer to her and then we would simply honor her request.  But that is one more thing we probably won't ever be able to discuss with her.  

I wonder what questions she wants to ask me and can't?  Maybe there is a beautiful Thai woman sitting on the other side of the world thinking, "I wish I could ask my child's adoptive mom this but it's just one more thing that I'll never get the chance to say."  I wish I could meet her and answer her questions.  I wish I could meet our child's birth father too.  I know a lot of other people feel differently about this for their families and that's fine too.  There many ways to handle adoption.   

I think about our child's first mom a lot.  We do not presume to know her life.  We don't make assumptions that either vilify or canonize her.  All we know is that she's a woman who is having a child and is also, obviously, going through something very hard that has caused her to make an adoption plan for her baby.  We can only imagine that this is a terrible or at the very least difficult experience for her.  

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here.  But you know how something little can happen and help your day out?  The guy behind you in line loans you 2 pennies when you don't have exact change.  The woman at the bank smiles at you.  Your Grandmother calls just to say she loves you no matter what.  Your best friend tells you a story that makes you laugh until a little pee comes out.  Your favorite tv show is on and it's a really good episode.  All the small things that don't do anything to change the awful realities of life but somehow manage to make each day of it more bearable.  Well, I hope that during this very difficult time, our child's first mother, has a king's ransom of tiny-everyday-good-things happening to her that help make it all a bit better.

- Rosemary

4 comments:

Yoli said...

There is not a day that does not pass by that I do not think of my children's birthparents. It is not easy. I also hope for those everyday good things to touch them. Great post.

Emily said...

Love this post. Such good words. And you are making me awfully jealous over at my blog with all the talk of England and bikes. Speaking my language, speaking my language.

Melissa May said...

I want to leave a comment, but don't have time to process and put into words the feelings that stir when I think about our little boy's birth mom and dad. I'm so incredibly grateful for the information we have about them... but how to handle such priceless and fragile info and the feelings that go with them is complicated to say the least. But they have a special place in our hearts that I suspect only adoptive parents understand.

Chris, Terri, Matt and Mark said...

I agree with Emily. My blog is starting to be kind of lame - since not much is going on in my adoption world - I just keep chatting about what is... I do think about "all the parents" in my child's life all the time and wonder and realize that some things will not be understood by most of my friends and family.

Really enjoying your blog posts! Looking forward to hearing more on your trip!