Greetings!

We designed this site in order to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away and in order to communicate with other adoptive families from around the world.

When we first started researching this wonderful way to become a family we read everything we could get our hands on. Even though there are a lot of great books out there, nothing was as informative or touching as the blogs we found by adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive families. So we are writing this blog now in hopes of returning the favor. We hope that if you are dear to us you will enjoy keeping up with our adventures. If you are someone out there involved in a part of the adoption triad we hope you will find information and comfort here and provide us with some of your own!

If you would like to get in touch with us we can be reached at: becomingafamily@gmail.com
Feel free to stop by anytime. We're happy to share our family story.

Take care,
Brian and Rosemary

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

1 month Update

April 10th marked 1 month that Button has officially been in our custody! In some ways it seems like we were seeing his sweet face for the very first time only moments ago and in other ways it seems as if a lifetime has passed. The one thing we know for sure is that we are so blessed to have had this month with our son. What an amazing experience it has been to become parents, bring our child home from the other side of the world, overcome jetlag and illness together, introduce him to his grandparents, and start getting into the hang of a routine. That's a big month!

In the past month this is what we've seen:
Progress -
*Button now naps! It took weeks to get this figured out but he takes 1 afternoon nap from 1 to 3ish. He will only sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed (where he sleeps at night) and I have to lay down with him until he falls asleep. He sleeps fitfully, waking several times during the nap, but as long as I am right there to keep him from panicking he will go back to sleep quickly.
*Button now takes his bath without screaming!
*Button now sits happily in his booster seat at meals!
*Button now understands that diaper changes are a part of life. Unavoidable and best to just simmer down and get it over with.
*Button has started to say both our names occasionally when he wants something.

Regression (or part of the healing process depending on how you look at it)-
*Button shows more anxiety now if one of us leaves a room even if it is to walk around the corner in our open floor plan living/dining/kitchen main room.
*He will start crying for no reason sometimes and be inconsolable for quite some time.
*He loves to meet people and is a super cute social butterfly but we are pretty sure that he is "mommy/daddy shopping", a very real part of many adoptees experience, with almost all adults we introduce him to. We are limiting his social interactions and trying to make sure that bonding happens only with us. The reality of this though is that it limits our social interactions and that can be frustrating.
*His temper tantrums are becoming much more marked. It is healthy that he can show his anger and let us know how sad, confused and hurt he is by everything that has happened to him, without his permission and for reasons unknown to him, but we are working to find appropriate ways to keep this behavior at bay because we want him to be safe inside the boundaries of our family.

All together bonding and attachment is progressing as it should, Button got a fabulous report at the pediatrician who declared him in perfect health (other than eczema) and very bright, and we are EXHAUSTED but happy first time parents who adore our son and are finding our way through the maze that is life after kids.
--Rosemary


10 comments:

Brazenlilly said...

Congrats on a wonderful month! My hub and I are just soaking in these stories, and appreciate that you are sharing the good with the hard. I would like to put a link from my blog to yours, if that is OK? I love that you keep the blog fairly updated--can't imagine how hard that must be!

Megan said...

Love the update! And so glad things are progressing as well as can be expected! You guys sound like fantastic parents, keep it up!

Blessings~

Jay and Chandra and Penny Regan said...

It does sound like he's making just the progress he should. So thankful to hear that he is grieving in a healthy, normal way. But, boy I understand the exhaustion! I often felt like I was dealing with a toddler in a teenage body. But, like some other dear friends reassured us, it gets better with time and a year from now you'll look back see how much your child has progressed.

Yoli said...

Wonderful progress, seems like he is right on track! Do you still wake up with the shock that there is this little person in your home? Isn't magical?

April said...

It's comforting to hear how so many of us who adopt toddlers experience everything that you have with Button.
He is so blessed to have you both!

Robin and Kyle said...

We could have written this same thing when we were first home, too. Maybe we did. I was so sleep deprived, I don't remember! =) Some adjustments take longer than others, but eventually, you'll be sitting with a friend who says "Look at that little boy - he is SO attached to his Mama - what a change from last year at this time." That was said to me *today* and it made me smile. It's been a long time coming but doesn't it feel good to move in the right direction?

Jason and Staci said...

Brian and Rosemary, we could copy and paste this post as our own right now!

Everything you are describing is exactly what we are seeing with Braxton. The fitful sleep, angry tantrums and random unconsolable crying, bath and diaper time unhappiness, screaming when we leave the room, the social butterfly, etc... At first Braxton ate everything and now he will eat nothing.

I guess progress is not just a forward or backward process, more like all over the place!

Annie said...

Thanks for continuing to give me a glimpse of what the attachment process might be like. It sounds like Button is doing it exactly how he should. It also sounds like you both are doing a great job allow him to grieve and to encouraging bonding.

Jessica said...

Happy one month together! Thanks for the updates, I'm gearing myself up on what to potentially expect.

Chris and Terri said...

Interesting I was thinking yep sounds like us at 1 month. So tired - interrupted sleep is just not good for anyone involved but it's better than none which is what we had for a while. :-)

Don't blink - you'll be sitting at 4 months before you know it and carrying on a normal conversation that doesn't involve searching for the average, everyday words that are lost in the exhausted brain.

Great to see your update!