We designed this site in order to keep in touch with friends and family who are far away and in order to communicate with other adoptive families from around the world.

When we first started researching this wonderful way to become a family we read everything we could get our hands on. Even though there are a lot of great books out there, nothing was as informative or touching as the blogs we found by adoptees, biological parents, and adoptive families. So we are writing this blog now in hopes of returning the favor. We hope that if you are dear to us you will enjoy keeping up with our adventures. If you are someone out there involved in a part of the adoption triad we hope you will find information and comfort here and provide us with some of your own!

If you would like to get in touch with us we can be reached at:
Feel free to stop by anytime. We're happy to share our family story.

Take care,
Brian and Rosemary

Thursday, October 22, 2009

This Stinks

As some of you already know, we've been having a rough time here on the homestead. I want to record this experience as clearly as possible for several reasons 1) this is Button's story and I want him to have the details. 2) For everyone who is thinking of adopting. 3) For our fellow P.A.P.'s behind us in line. Adoption is not simple and I truly feel that as a community we need to educate one another about the facts and the "felt experiences".

We spoke with our advocate at our agency and she said that all the DSDW meetings in Thailand have been booked through the end of the year and we are not scheduled to travel. So, barring a miracle, it will be 2010 before we meet our son. That was the first time I have ever been upset with our agency. I have loved working with them 100% of the time up till now, so this one little moment does not weigh very heavily into my rating of their organization. She said that Button's paperwork is complete and so is ours but we are just...waiting. And apparently, the DSDW doesn't care about the I-600 form that I was so worried about last time I posted. Just goes to show there's no sense worrying. Ironic, isn't it? Until now we have been led to believe that there was a numbered list that we were all moving up in order. Suddenly though the answer is simply, "They are very busy... Backlogged... They won't review your son's case until they decide to." It was sort of like a Bugs Bunny-explains-himself-to-the-sheriff-routine. "Yeah, backlogged, that's the ticket - backlogged!"

I'm feeling pretty angry. That tends to be how my personality processes this kind of thing. It's just too horrible to face head on without fighting back so I get angry. Brian feels a lot of depression and worry. He always tries to fix everything so he feels overwhelmed by things like this because they are unfixable. We would give anything to change the situation because every day is a day of Button's life we can't recover no matter what we do or what we pay. None of that changes how we feel about Button though. Our love for him continues to grow CONSTANTLY.

Pray for a miracle. Pray for the "backlog" to unjam itself. Pray for my insane rage level to abate before I go postal and climb to the top of a bell tower. Pray for our son to be happy and healthy everyday. Pray for the DSDW to decide to review our case. Even if you don't pray just light a candle for the kiddo, ok?



Jessica said...

I'm so sorry. I wish more of this process was explainable and understandable. Praying and wishing for you!

The good news is that we've seen things change time and time again. Hoping that is the same for you.

Kerrie (and Jason) said...

Rosemary there is not much I can say to help you through this process. The Thai authorities do things in their own time and there is little anyone can do to change that. We have similiar issues with the files sent from Australia (there is not a snowflakes chance that our government dept's will push for the older files {there are still 2006 files not matched} to be worked on sooner for fear of upsetting the Thai process or being seen to upset it) and the frustration is so intense some days you just want to scream.

Hang in there. Button is waiting quite happily and he is being well looked after and loved in the carers own way. You WILL be with him in 2010. We're hoping to be with our son or daughter in 2010 as well so it will be a good year for us all!

Chris and Terri said...

It makes no sense AT ALL!!!

I am still praying you guys are traveling in Dec. You have to be next on the backlogged list, right?

I hope they surprise you next week!

Yoli said...

I am there with you, though I am more like your husband. Red tape is what keeps us from our children. I hope something changes and you are able to get your son earlier. If not, as terrible as this sounds(because it is in no way a consolation)2010 is just around the corner. Holding on to my prayer beads for you.

Mireille said...

I will light a candle for you and little Button! Unfortunatley more I can't do, but I can feel for you and know how this stinks!!

blackbelt said...

I SO TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL!!! I am so sorry. This is so typical of the adoption process. Any country. Because of this delay, remember to check expiration dates so that you don't end up with more frustrations later: home study, criminal check, child abuse, etc. (The Philly INS lost our papers and during that process, our clearnances expired so that when they found the papers, we had to scramble to reapply!!)

Tiffany said...

praying, praying, praying...I know this is hard but remember you ARE going to meet Button soon and bring him home. I believe he'll be home before the new year!! Love ya'll!

Annie said...

Praying for you all! Oh! i can imagine your frustration! It is so good to have you keep everyone in the process informed of all that can take place to delay that longed for day. I'm hoping for everything to come together quickly for you!

SannaK said...

Hi, writing to you from Finland.

We are also waiting for the Thai authorities to process our file. Ours is going through DSDW so were waiting endlessly. 27 months as of now (the whole process started in June 2005 so we're getting really tired of it).

We haven't been matched with a child yet - which in one way makes it easier, in another wy harder. Just keep believing that one day we will meet our children - but wishing it would be NOW or really really soon, but also for us it seems that 2010 is the realistic goal =(

We'll just have to hang in there!


Maci Miller said...

Oh, Rosemary, I'm so sorry. Just catching up on blogs and sorry to hear this. Praying for you guys. Miracles happen every day, you know! Keep believing!

Ann and Bryan said...

Oh, my goodness...we are RIGHT THERE with you! This process is SO hard with no answers and no control. Hang in there...we'll keep your family in our prayers. Please do the same for us.

PS - You've inspired us to read more and more parenting books...thanks!

ali said...

I hope you don't lose all your feistiness. I think it'll make you a good mama :) praying for button to be here soon. Can't wait to see a picture of him with both of your pretty faces next to him.