tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post2650924723365062683..comments2023-05-01T10:08:47.845-04:00Comments on Becoming A Family: What Cheeses My Grits - Part 1Brian and Rosemaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937005438615470890noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-64867513663485900682009-07-10T12:14:38.636-04:002009-07-10T12:14:38.636-04:00That is really beautiful, Robin. T is a great kid...That is really beautiful, Robin. T is a great kid with a great mom.rosemaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06484036446856840959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-76040628246575311102009-07-10T10:32:24.186-04:002009-07-10T10:32:24.186-04:00I take offense to Jen's statement that "i...I take offense to Jen's statement that "it is not natural to want to parent other people's children."<br /><br />I chose to adopt solely because I wanted to be a parent. Selfish? Absolutely. I did not adopt because a child needed a parent. Of course, we were careful to chose an agency and program that was as ethical as we could find, so that we could bring our son home with as much confidence possible knowing he was not able to stay in his birth family. Yes, our son "needed" a family. That's not why we adopted him. It's important for us that our son grow up to learn this, and not to feel that he was a charity case or a way to make merit. He's our son because we desperately wanted to parent him.<br /><br />There are countless ways to make the world a better place and help people in need. People can donate time and resources at the local, national, or international level to the causes they are passionate about. A child is not a cause.Robin and Kylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16082614259938213897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-32908949629768545372009-07-08T23:05:09.311-04:002009-07-08T23:05:09.311-04:00Jen,
I absolutely never said that I wanted drugs, ...Jen,<br />I absolutely never said that I wanted drugs, or poverty or abuse or any other way in which an original family might reach dissolution to occur so that I might parent. That is a gross misrepresentation of this blog posting. I am a vehement supporter of original family preservation, single mothers, adoptee rights and open adoption and I would never wish that any child be removed from their original family unless necessary. However, since children are removed from their first families and are in need of care, I maintain my opinion that there is no excuse for anyone to become adoptive parents and then serve their adopted child with less than wholehearted love, enthusiasm and devotion for the act of parenting. I just feel that all children, but especially adoptees, deserve to be parented by someone who is absolutely THRILLED to have the job.rosemaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06484036446856840959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-18220212999284570532009-07-08T21:01:16.767-04:002009-07-08T21:01:16.767-04:00I see what you are saying....that we shouldn't...I see what you are saying....that we shouldn't adopt to 'save' these poor little children. That is the wrong attitude but so is the attitude that the sole reason to adopt is that you want to parent. It is natural for most people, I think, to want to parent but it is not natural to want to parent other people's children. That is a special calling I believe and yes, a responsibility. All of my children, bio or not, I was called to care for by God. God intended for me to be my biological children's parent. He intended however for the two children I am in the process of adopting to be raised by their birth mom and she cannot. She cannot because of poor choices and life experience and because of a failed world. I do not believe God would have broken up their family because they were meant to be mine. I believe that they needed me to step in and be their mother, to love them, to encourage them, to guide them....and that God will bless that 'ministry.' I wish no one had to parent another's child. I wish there wasn't death or drugs or abuse or poverty or life circumstances that made it necessary, but there is and to say that we want that to happen so we can parent is strange. I want to grow my family. I want to parent, yes, but I already do that. I chose to grow my family through adoption because I have a loving home to offer a child, I have always had a heart for children in need, and yes, there is a biblical command to do so if called. Are we lucky to be able to adopt these children that will add so much to our lives, undoubtedly, but there is a NEED that cannot be discounted. It is not WHO they are but it is a part of their story. I would never say to my child that they became a part of our family because I wanted to be a mommy. I will say to them that their Mommy wasn't able to parent them and I am so blessed that I get to. That becoming their mommy is one of my greatest joys. I feel like I'm blabbering.......hope this makes sense.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14144819273838586814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-20301131785225322952009-07-06T15:43:16.296-04:002009-07-06T15:43:16.296-04:00How about this one: An incident is reported where ...How about this one: An incident is reported where a child has been badly abused, or is suddenly orphaned due to some type of tragedy, and calls to adopt the child suddenly begin flooding in. Where were these people before this happened? And how many of them will actually follow through and find out more about adopting a child who is waiting for a home? Any time a story like that shows up in the news, my husband knows he's in for another one of my long, ranting monologues.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01604679321633507344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-12075797976195716242009-07-06T00:05:36.596-04:002009-07-06T00:05:36.596-04:00I have heard comments like this about our son, too...I have heard comments like this about our son, too, from people of all religions. "Oh, he's so lucky," or "That was so good of you." Ugh. Makes me sick.<br /><br />If a Christian says that, if ANYONE says that, s/he is just TACKY. Who would say something like that? and in front of the child??<br /><br />If a Christian thinks doing a "good work" will save them, they have not been reading the Bible, which clearly says over and over and over - did I say over? that it is not by works but by (God's) grace that we are saved! Can't earn brownie points!<br /><br />If a Christian IS encouraging people to adopt as a ministry, sure, they may be getting it all wrong, but I know folks who really "get it" and are encouraging others to look at adoption as a REAL option for building a family. Christians, of all people, being "adopted" by God, should look at adoption as a first line choice.<br /><br />I see God's hand in our adoption. NOT because I think God made all this suffering so I could have a child (May it never be!!) but because out of all the worldly problems and illnesses, that He could create a beauty. Out of all the sadness, that this child could be gifted to me and so much love and beauty arise. I believe only God can make Love and Goodness out of sadness and pain.<br /><br />Lastly, I JUST WANTED A CHILD. As a Christian, I never even thought the word "charity." But, I still had it ALL WRONG. My attitude and approach to adoption was SO misguided. I hope my son, the people I've affected and most of all God, will forgive me.blackbelthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04682743823175329828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-54688158964526917092009-07-05T10:15:48.823-04:002009-07-05T10:15:48.823-04:00We rant about the same thing. :) I feel like I am ...We rant about the same thing. :) I feel like I am surrounded by these kinds of people. I didn't think there were that many of us out there that thought this way. Nice, and quite refreshing to find out that I (and the hubs) are not alone in this thinking. Don't even get me started on the whole fund raising thing.<br /><br />Cheers, happy to have found you (through TM),<br /><br />KiyKiyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02267811425878761240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-91399910133746858322009-07-01T12:32:11.216-04:002009-07-01T12:32:11.216-04:00LOL. I have to add that I like Terri's husband...LOL. I have to add that I like Terri's husbands line as well. Too funny. Too true. <br /><br />Geez, wish we could all have a big lunch together somewhere and talk about life and adoptions finer and more difficult issues. Where and when?Maci Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13506178512279029315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-43748239873667416742009-07-01T08:44:25.102-04:002009-07-01T08:44:25.102-04:00You hit the nail on the head again! People made c...You hit the nail on the head again! People made comments when we announced we were adopting (or we got the smug WHY?) but the saintly comments have flowed since we received a picture. If they only knew how blessed we feel to be able to adopt, to be able to parent another chld, how much we wanted to be a parent "one more time" and how lucky and blessed we feel we are right now, but they don't. <br /><br />Although Jessica worded it much more eloquently, I continue to quote my fabulous husband whose out of character comment still has me in stitches - <br /><br />"People are stupid. You can't fix stupid people."Chris and Terrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00066373076858618230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-66409887980291091372009-07-01T00:30:36.286-04:002009-07-01T00:30:36.286-04:00It is one of the hardest things for me to digest i...It is one of the hardest things for me to digest in the world of adoption. It is like they are buying the stairway to heaven. IT is actually one of the things that made me drop out of Christianity, just so you have an inkling of the disgust I have on the subject. The ton of blogs out there toting psamls and salvation for the child that was "meant" for them is insane. Like yes, God decided to have this poor woman be your womb, so you can come along save him/her from a life of being a heathen and in the mean time buy yourself salvation. Gross.Yolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06068063513978782703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-59209775699353887952009-06-30T22:35:05.900-04:002009-06-30T22:35:05.900-04:00Now I can't wait to hear parts 2, 3, 4... :)Now I can't wait to hear parts 2, 3, 4... :)a Tonggu Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02793668358074527237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-39170783575660395122009-06-30T22:34:54.739-04:002009-06-30T22:34:54.739-04:00I love the title of this post, and, in particular,...I love the title of this post, and, in particular, that it says "part 1." I can't wait to read the others. It's an odd, odd world that we live in. And, you're exactly right, sometimes its people are terribly off the mark.Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04939361541926609995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-11069540151438447972009-06-30T13:15:35.843-04:002009-06-30T13:15:35.843-04:00AMEN!AMEN!Robin and Kylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16082614259938213897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-65274501093657941802009-06-30T12:38:18.304-04:002009-06-30T12:38:18.304-04:00I love ya, Rosemary. You are direct and smart and ...I love ya, Rosemary. You are direct and smart and hit the nail on the head of every subject. I couldn't agree more. I hate to hear someone say how great we are for adopting - like it is saintly or something. We are not saints. We are dying to be parents and share our love and life with a little one. It is a shame that adoption even has to exist. That we live in a world where children end up in orphanages. Yet at the same time I am grateful - and yes, feel lucky as hell - that we can be finally be parents, and especially be the parents of our little Ruby. You are going to make a great Mom, Roses, and, LOL, those trying to mess with you or your "Button" better watch out!:-)Maci Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13506178512279029315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3953430069221343164.post-75951982409230008022009-06-30T11:56:22.028-04:002009-06-30T11:56:22.028-04:00Amen sista! :-)Amen sista! :-)Wyndeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08114016535683459963noreply@blogger.com